Saturday, April 23, 2005

Jersey Style!

Jersey Trash Night is tonight. Here's some required JT reading.
Here are some good articles

Specifically this piece

and as per my tradition here are some suggestions for the proper way to celebrate this glorious evening. (This work has been supplemented by a recent trip to Rutgers University.)

-Guys, when you go to the gym keep in mind that you always wear pants out, therefore lifting legs is unnecessary. Devote the time to extra bicep works out, Curls for the Girls as they say.
-Gel for the dudes, and lots of it. I should see it dripping off of you hair. Girls ridiculous amount of hairspray
-Jewelry is key. Guys chains and crosses, they should be drawing attention to your beefy pecs. Girls big hoop earrings, they're trashier than normal earings.
-Tattoos. Guys on the arms. Girls on the small of the back
-Bleached and or Drastically dyed hair.
-Obtain a criminal record, everyone in jersey has a criminal record. Not just a misdemenor, that's for sissies, hit up a felony.
-Fake Bake Tan or at least Self tanner, no proper Jersey Guido let's himself be seen without a tan, same goes for the girls.
-Tinted glasses. Not just for the daytime hours, they should also be worn at night in the me it's cool
-There are no beaches in New Jersey. New Jersey has the shore and if you are going there you aren't going to the shore, you are going DOWN the shore.
-Cigarette behind the ear, it's wicked sweet
-Bandana's are money too
-Have your cell phone ready to be answered at all times
-You need to also have the look. The tough guy look, you know the one where you're head is tilted up, but your eyes are gazing down your nose. It says, "I might kick your ass, and I'm sexy"
-Pictures on should give you an idea of proper attire. Beaters are absolutely necessary for guys. And looking slutty is absolutely necessary for girls :) Basically when Jersey Trash goes to clubs, they dress in the nicest clothes that can, but in the trashiest way. For example, you wear a nice dress shirt, but you only have it half way buttoned and wear a beater underneath.
-Lose all knowledge of ever pumping gas in your life, you've never done it, all of Jersey is Full Service and you never leave Jersey...EVER

The most important part of Jersey Trash Night is of course to be very very sketchy.

New Jersey Girl, New Jersey Girl
I wanna love you
-Nerf Herder

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