Tuesday, March 28, 2006

If I Were Crazy...

I made an important realization about myself today. If I were to go crazy, it would likely be the kind of crazy that results in being a shut in like Howard Hughes. Although Howard Hughes became a recluse because he was afraid mostly of germs, I would because of a general fear of something in the outside world killing me. Crippled by anxiety I would be unable to leave my home because I'm afraid that something out there might kill me. It would probably start with me refusing to drive, then refusing to get into any sort of moving vehicle, and it would proceed from there. It's very interesting to come to terms with the fact that if I were crazy I would be a recluse.

The realization came from the fact that last night I had a dream that I was shot in the head by one of my former teammates. My brains fell out the back of the skull and I was trying to force them back in while trying to come to turns that I would inevitably die in a rather short amount of time. I eventually gave up and let the parts of my brains that already fell out go, which resulted in not death, but a severe decrease in all my faculties, including balance and vision. I eventually decided that I wouldn't be able to survive like this for long and settled down to write my will, to be witnessed by another former teammate. $500 was to go to my best friend from elementary school, $1000 to Princeton, $1000 to Princeton Wrestling (ironic that my death was caused by someone who I wrestled with at Princeton), and that's as far as I got before I woke up from my dream. I was terribly shaken all morning, which made driving to the gym quite arduous. The fact that while I was on the treadmill my foot slipped and I almost fell of the damn thing didn't help. I started to calm down a little by the time my drive to work came around, but it's hard to shake such a dream.

Seasons don't fear the reaper
Nor do the wind the sun or the rain (we can be like they are)
Come on baby (don't fear the reaper)
Baby take my hand (don't fear the reaper)
We'll be able to fly (don't fear the reaper)
Baby I'm your man

1 comment:

resqagent said...

well just make sure to get one of those i fell and i cant get up buttons so when you die, you wont rot.